It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
