Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
