Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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