How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
