Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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