I am in a vortex of obligation.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
