i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
