It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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