My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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