Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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