I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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