Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
