Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
