Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
