He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
