My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
