Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i don't like sucking hair
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
