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• (716): View more from New York

  can you take me to a tanning bed

  (1-716): View more from New York

  sure, why though?

  (716): View more from New York

  i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

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• (+27): View more from South Africa

  You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"

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• (210): View more from Texas

  We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.

  (206): View more from Washington

  I smell like old thai food.

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