drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You need a sexual gate keeper
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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