If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
