I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
