Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
