Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
