then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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