I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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