i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
