Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
