And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
