here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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