You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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