you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
