i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think my mom watched the whole time
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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