she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
