y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
