HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
