whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
