I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
