great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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