i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
