he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
