Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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