When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
