I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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