WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
