Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
