I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
