Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
