On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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