We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
