two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He shit in the fireplace
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
